Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Price of Beauty

    We recently found out we are Having a BABY GIRL!!! So I joined Top Baby Blogs and would be over the Moon if you would take two seconds, (Really just TWO I promise) by clicking the link below then clicking the First Owl :) You are Awesome!! Thank You, Hope you enjoy my story :) 

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 I’ve been wanting to do this blog on beauty for a while now but how to word it was difficult, so I think the best way would be pure honesty, so here it goes…There is a lot of pressure to be beautiful; we live in a society that is driven by the media. What is put out there for woman is an image of perfection. I was brought up in the world of beauty, my mom has been a salon owner since I was a little girl and my friend’s mother owned a tanning salon. I was surrounded by women who were always beautifying themselves. I quickly became what everyone thought they saw, I’ll never forget the day someone told me “You look like Barbie.” I think that was the starting point to become this ideal person… I have Blonde hair, but Barbie has Platinum blonde hair, so off to my mom begging her for this achievable yet pain staking task of keeping my hair Really Blonde constantly…Let me tell you if I didn’t have a mother who owned a hair salon I would probably be 100,000 thousand dollars in debt. I was getting full foils every couple of weeks and this started around age 16. On to the tanning salon, it’s hard to say I didn’t know the effects of sun damage because I did, but I guess I didn’t care. I had an open door to my own personal tanning salon and I definitely took advantage of it. What sixteen year olds could go into a tanning salon, lock the door, crank the music and tan three times in a row, every day, I could and I did. 

    I had access to the best products and the best booths and I would feel the artificial light heating my skin, literally cooking it, but I loved it and became addicted to it. It came to a point where I could never be tan or blonde enough, but it didn’t stop there. My eyes were blue but not crystal blue, off to the eye doctor to get blue contacts. Weight was always something that came into play, you were beautiful if you are emaciated is how I looked at it and what my mind really believed. Basically bones=beauty. With that I tried every fad diet you could think of, even the roads that unfortunately all to many teenage girls do, I would starve myself then go crazy and binge and of course the lovely lady like purge. I did it all, and for what, for other people to say how beautiful I was. I took it in as my reward. If I was “Perfect” I was happy. I noticed every imperfection and wanted it changed, I had raised freckles removed because the word “mole” couldn’t be associated with something on my body, I had teeth removed to achieve the perfect mouth, not to mention the highest proof bleach to have basically glow in the dark, blind yourself white teeth. People would say “wow your teeth are so White” I would say thank you, but in my head I would be thinking, they may look nice, but I can’t eat anything cold or hot and Everything and I mean everything has to be eaten at room temperature. I was literally stripping the enamel off of my teeth, I was using medical tooth bleach not the crest whiting strips with a percent of about 7 were talking 45% bleach concentrate, which was to be used once every three months (I used it once a week!). 

   As the years went by this “image” was exhausting but I kept up the facade, it was around that time that my friends mom opened a full day spa and it widen my eyes to more stuff I “had” to do. We had a medical doctor that was giving Botox and I stopped in my tracks, OFCOURSE I need Botox (I am 20). We have a piercing station, well what the heck lets pierce it all. So it continued, around that time my new favorite show started airing, “Dr.90210” Dr. Rey was amazing to me, he would take beautiful girls and make them even more beautiful. 3 weeks later I was lying in a doctor bed waiting for a nurse to administer a syringe of who knows what into my arm before they put me under anesthesia to get my first bout of plastic surgery, because everyone needs a new nose right?! Sarah, for rhinoplasty. Yep that’s me. Scared to death but the need to remove this “bump” that I think everyone is looking at. I woke up and of course had my loving mother standing there with a stuffed baby gorilla and balloons. (She Always supports me, even if she doesn’t agree.) The drive home was a blur and my also unbelievably supportive boyfriend was there to nurse me back to health. Let me tell you sleeping for 2 weeks in an upright position was a nightmare, my black eyes faded and two weeks later I was dressed up as a girl scout for Halloween, I remember as I was getting ready I thought my lips weren’t big enough, but what a bonus my plastic surgeon said he would give me collagen in my lips and would take 300 dollars off the price, how lucky am I. 
Oh and did I mention I am an Aesthetician, I would tan, give myself microdermabrasion then a Glycolic peel. For those of you who know facials that is Not something you want to do to your skin. I was using so many chemicals on my body it was ridiculous. If you’ve heard of it, I most likely tried it, I even dyed my eyelashes black because I didn’t think they were black enough (illegal to do at the salon I was at but we had the product and I had the need to try it.) After everything thus far I was now ready for breast implants, yep that’s right, as I scheduled my initial first appointment and wrote it on my calendar it finally hit me, WHAT AM I DOING!!! I’m starving, Tired and NOT Happy. With that I called back said I had to cancel my appointment, went out to eat and left my house in dare I say it Sweatpants! I was so sick and tired of living my life for other people and not for myself, why did I really need other people’s approval anyway, I had a boyfriend who LOVED me before and after I went on all these crazy escapades to become someone I was not. I had my family who loved me unconditionally and my friends who didn’t care if I was a size 8 or a size 4!  Dressed up or dressed down, I mean I've even went to events in my PJ's recently!

   It has been two years since I stopped trying to be that “Person” and I can’t believe how unbelievable I feel. I’m Happy with me, I don’t need to look like those people or images I had in my head and when you look at those people what do they really have?? Yes they look attractive but read the fine print, this one is in rehab, this one got dumped, this one is being sued, this one has estranged family, this one is on anti-depressants, and this one was emitted into an eating disorder clinic...and 90 percent of the time the pictures you see in magazines are airbrushed and retouched digitally to be Flawless. The list goes on and on, that is not me that is not the life I want. When I see young girls say "I’m fat" it drives me Crazy, I just want to shake them, be who you are, be happy with yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!! Who has the right to deem one person as beautiful and one not. I think I’m beautiful because I feel beautiful, not only on the outside but more importantly on the inside. I finally have a healthier perspective on me and life. The standard is not set at perfection it’s the standard you set for yourself because really, Who Cares What People Think.  :o)


I still like to beautify and feel good but definitely not to the extremes as I once did! There is nothing wrong with a little Relaxation and Beautifying! We have been having wacky weather lately so I need a full body scrum...I found this over at ModCloth and not only use it on my lips but as an all over body scrub!!!  Time to whip up a batch....check it out!

Thank you Ralph for Always loving ME.  

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Adriana said...

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing Sarah!

Sarah Renee said...

Thank you Adriana <3

CoopersMomma said...

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I admit, although, I did not have the resources as easily available, I have often wanted or contemplated getting and doing many of the procedures you had done. Although, I am growing older with hesitancy, I am enjoying the wisdom and common sense it provides. There's something to be said for loving who you are, as you are and not caring as much about what other people think! Thanks again for sharing.

Sarah Renee said...

CoopersMomma, Thank you for the kind words...I'm always happy to hear from my readers. I'm glad you were able to gain something from my story. And I completely agree, Loving Yourself is first and foremost. Confidence is Key! :o) Hope your enjoying this Beautiful fall weather!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you sharing your story. Too many people are getting things done and for what purpose? You are beautiful!!

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